in the spirit of irony

I had dinner last night with an old childhood friend. We're the same age and have the same upper-middle-class upbringing, but living two completely separate lives. She's got a great career, thinking of starting a family and purchasing a house in our hometown with her husband. Meanwhile, I'm single, no prospects for a serious relationship, have an ambiguous career path and can barely afford to deal with my monthly rent. She's still upper-middle-class. I'm lower on the totem pole. (Another reason, I have no interest in attending my high school reunion.)

Anyways, we got to talking politics at dinner and she turns to me and says with all seriousness, "I always vote, but I can safely say this is the first time I'm actually looking forward to voting." My thoughts exactly. Although there was never a time I didn't feel like ousting the current fascest regime. I thought my friend had become politcaly enlightened through the course of leaving her upper-middle-class family for the real world. "Seriously," she said, "Obama scares me!"

I always find it amusing to encounter someone with different political views than me. I figure most of the people I know are in the same situation as me: broke, single, disenfranchised, jaded and hating on "The Man". Being surrounded by people just like me most of the day, it never occurs to me that someone my age could be a conservative Republican.

"What do you mean, he 'scares' you?" I asked hoping somewhere that I wouldn't hear anything remotely absurd, or some word vomit I'd already heard on Fox News. "All this talk of change," she said.

Yes, change is frightening. I agree. But at this point there are two ways we can go in this country: 1.) dive head-first into the macro-chasm that is the inevitable doom of our civilization as we know it by staying on the path we're already traveling or 2.) make some drastic changes where everyone chips in for the greater good. Oh, and of course, there's secret option #3: nuke the damn country and start from scratch.

That's not going to happen. (I hope.)

I've become a bit of a socialist these last few years. Perhaps its the fact that I can't afford to buy a house, pay up the wazoo to have less-than adequate HMO healthcare, and don't see the point in fighting a war that shouldn't even involve us. Maybe it's because of the people I surround myself with. Or, maybe I've always felt like this.

So, turning to my friend, I said, "Well, you know what scares me?" She was incredibly astonished at my answer. "Oh, I think it's brilliant what McCain did by choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate," she said to my horror.

Brilliant, yes indeed, as far as strategy goes. He obviously figured that if the Dems play the black card, he'd play the female card. (I'm not writing anything people don't already know.) I went into my "I hate Sarah Palin" tyrade. If I'd had a soap box, I would have stood on it for sure. "She hunts wolves from helicopters, she doesn't believe the ice caps are melting and that polar bears are endangered species. She doesn't believe in sex education in public schools, preaches abstinance while her 17 year old daughter ends up knocked up. She doesn't believe in equal pay for women and is anti-abortion even in cases of rape and insest." I forgot to add that she also practices witchcraft. But why make witches look bad?

Anyways, in the spirit of irony we're having a promotions contest to see which East Bay resident and reader of our paper could come up with the best and most catchiest ode to Sarah Palin. I really like this one. Hope the rest are just as awesome:

things are not FINE!

 www.thingsarefine.org

Palintology

Ah, Keith Olberman - liberal muckraking at it's best. Sarah Palin, you never cease to amaze.

revenge of the nerds

Bill Gates responds . . . finally



VERSUS

i was right all along

Ever since the Republican National Convention I've been saying that Sarah Palin looks a hell of a lot like Tina Fey from SNL.

See for yourself:

in search of nice people

Remember that bumper sticker that read "Mean People Suck"? I think I might have had that sticker on my first car back when I plastered the damn thing with stickers I bought on Haight Street.

Anyways, I was thrilled to learn that there are human beings behaving humanly online of all places. And why not? Most office people spend the most time online. I calculate roughly 6 of the nine hours I'm at work. (Although, now that I'm in charge of online advertising it's more like nine out of nine hours.)

So, as you can imagine, I manage to take some time off and surf the 'net while I'm at it. You know, the usual - IMing friends in New York, checking to see how many friend requests I have from old high school classmates on Facebook, and choosing what song I'd like on the Myspace profile. And of course, I have to get my daily dirt on Sarah Palin and update my blog or plan a getaway.

Sometimes, however, I need some advice on important and significant questions like: "Where should I eat for lunch?" Thank Jebus for forums like Yelp.com. (Yes, I'm a member there too.) It's always interesting to see how many people reply to a post. It's almost like doing an online social experiment.

I was craving some spicy soup today. Blame it on the change of weather. (Saturday was 100 degrees and Tuesday was 50 degrees). So asked of my fellow Yelpers, what soup would they recommend in my area that was soothing enough for the scratchy throat I was suffering from.

It just goes to show that I have more online friends, as Myspace and Facebook will show, because I got at least 40 responses within fifteen minutes of my original response. I got everything from types of soups, to restaurants to recipes. I even got a nasty response from someone who answered "warm jizz". How is one supposed to respond to that? "No thanks, semen gives me indigestion this early in the day."

But aside from that remark, I got a warm fuzzy feeling from my online experience. Although he probably already had a warm fuzzy feeling when he suggested that entree. In the end I settled for a health store version of instant freeze dried soup. (Ahh, organic potato leeks!)

polar bear hater

By now anyone who reads my blog, or has know me since infancy knows my obsession and respect for the all powerful and majestic polar bear. I heart and respect Ewan McGreggor - not only for his awesome acting skills, but also because he dared to explore the bears in a documentary.

Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is on my shit list because she and the State of Alaska are sueing the U.S. Department of the Interior for adding the polar bears to the endangered species list. Well, fuck . . . I'm sure that if global warming weren't responsible for their demise, she can always arrange to hunt them from a helicopter, or something.

I like Alaska and feel honored at being one of the few people I know to have actually ventured to that gorgeous state. They have the tallest mountain in the country, awesome natural light shows and summer days where sunlight lasts way past midnight. I just don't understand how a place filled with so much natural wonder and beauty can be run by a small handful of ignorant white trash assholes. How is that fair?

I've spent eight years trying not to read or inform myself of anything political. Usually because I figure I can't change anything, so why bother. (Thank you George W. Bush for single-handedley unempowering my generation!) There's no use in having my blood boil over something that's inevitable. But this woman enrages me! I don't consider myself a feminist. Never have. Never will.

But this woman is so anti-feminist that I wouldn't be surprised if she revoked our right to vote. Anti equal pay for equal work and against a woman's right to choose she goes against everything my gender has fought for these last 80 years.

And my blood wouldn't be boiling right now if I wasn't getting harrassed with right-winged propaganda from the only member of my family who is obsessed with Palin and who actually voted for "The Shrub". (And yes, this is why I'm sending your calls to voicemail!) And the main reason I'm doing my research on this woman as well.

I work for an uber-liberal alternative newsweekly. What in anyone's right mind would have them believe I am anything but a liberal democrat? I'm not going to change my stance.

democracy . . . going once, going twice . . . SOLD!

I'm not really looking forward to this election. I'm normally a glass full kind of girl, but at this point there have been so many greedy people using my cup to get endless free refills that I've become apathetic. And excuse me for being a pessimist, but I'm part of the generation who has lost faith in her country.

And I can tell you the exact date it all went down. Ok, I don't remember the exact date, but it was the second that Al Gore conceded the presidency to "The Shrub" as my leftist commi-lib uncle refers to him. I don't care if the chads were pregnant, hanging or constipated - I lost my naivete and all the pride I ever had for singing the Star Spangled Banner and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance every morning since grade school. (Yes, we did sing every morning in elementary school).

That said, I'm a little concerned that history will repeat itself and that again my vote will not count. Oh, I'll still vote, mind you. I just won't be thrilled about it. I'm already bitter that Hillary didn't win the primaries.

I have nothing against Obama. But now the Democrats look like sexists, especially since the Republicans have a female VP candidate. It just goes to show that Republicans have a ridiculous double standard when it comes to women in power. If she's a smart liberal woman like Hillary, she's seen as a power-hungry man-hating bitch. But if she's against a woman's right to choose and hunts moose, it doesn't matter if her teenage daughter is pregnant because she's a conservative who believes abstinence should be taught in schools. (A lotta good that did her daughter!)

Anyways, that's my two cents. And if I add it up with a bunch of other people's I might be able to buy my own democracy, or at least that book I saw on at a used book store in Oakland a while back.