hey, americanos don't have foam!

misadventures in grocery shopping

There is no chore I despise more than shopping for food. Give me a scum filled tub, a bacteria infested toilet bowl, let me dodge shady-looking dumpster divers while throwing out my trash - hell, I'd even prefer to clean a cat box than go to the supermarket on a weekend.

No matter how many lists, I write, I still always forget something. And then even if I go on a full stomach, I end up buying more than I need to. I was doing the Whole Foods thing for a while, but took a hiatus because of its urban name. I was obviously spending way more than any single person should ever spend on food.

Seriously, who needs pre-cleaned and chopped butternut squash? And a box of pomegranate seeds? Well, that's just lazy.

Having recently started Weight Watchers, I figured I'd go to a big-chain supermarket, to get some of the brand named goodies. Surely, that would be cheaper. What I found astonished me. Not only was my purchase $20 more than at Whole Foods, I bought nothing but processed non-organic foods that left me bloated and subsequently a pound heavier at weigh in that week.

Note to self: no more processed foods!

There is something to be said about the taste of air chilled chicken and grass-fed beef as opposed to their counterparts, frozen chicken and hormone induced beef which both have no flavor. The same goes for genetically engineered mutant tomatoes versus fresh-from-the-farm vine ripened ones.

And if you're thinking of telling me so, save it - Trader Joe's is no bueno. More processed frozen meals for lazy singles who end up spending way too much on frozen Ahi tuna steaks that will just make them sick. I'm speaking from experience, of course. I still end up spending much less than at the big box grocers like Walmart and FoodMaxx. Who needs that much food? So, here are the shopping tips I've come up with these last few years of trial and error:

1. Fresh is good. Doesn't have to be organic, if you're not into that -especially if you're worried about price. Think of it this way, the fresher it is, the more flavorful it is. That already means less salt and other seasonings needed.
2. 500 milligrams is the maximum sodium a person should ingest daily. Watch out for high sodium foods like canned soups and frozen meals that go above 250 mg.
3. Look for specials. I hate clipping coupons - but if I see something on sale that's similar to what I need I'll take that instead.
4. Ditto for private label brands (sorry, using fashion terminology). I always tend to go for Whole Food's 365 Brand as well as Target's brand. It's the same damn thing, probably even packaged by the same damn manufacturer.
5. 5.) Don't fall for BOGOs. Although these Buy One, Get One for half off items might sound like good deals, they're really not. It's just another way to get you to buy something you wouldn't normally purchase. Duh!
6. 6.) Don't go to a supermarket, or any market, drunk, stoned, tired, or hungry because you know you'll just want EVERYTHING. And I don't mean just a bag of Cheetos.
7. Unless you have a back problem, avoid the shopping cart. Stick to a basket. This way you only buy the things that fit in the cart. Plus, think of it as a good way to work your core and arm muscles.
8. 8.) Have a menu and a list planned out. This will help you get your shit together when you're in the store. If you can't decide what your menu for the whole week is just get staples and it will all come together.
9. Visualize your local market when you put this list together. A plan of attack usually works best. Know your battlefield and avoid the mines such as the candy and snack aisles. (Frozen foods too, for that matter.)I try to categorize my items by sections making a circle around the store. Think of it this way: all the staples such as breads, meats, dairy and produce can be found in the parameters of the market. The rest is all crap.
10. Keep it interesting. Shop more than once a month. Fresh is key. Hell, shop more than once a week at first, then you can cut it down to only once. I like to get all my staples once a week and make a few different items with them so that I'm never bored.

Happy shopping.