whatta mighty good man

WANTED:
A Fine Looking Man
Must Like Dogs
Likes to Cook and Serve Dessert
Will Watch "Sex and the City" With You
Always Pays for Dinner
Doesn't Act Like a Complete Moron
Never Picks Nose in Public
Remembers to Put the Toilet Seat Back Down
Doesn't Have to Listen to the Sound of his Voice 24/7
Doesn't Need to Have the Last Word in EVERYTHING

Two of my buddies at work have decided that I need a man in my life. It's become their new mission, to try to hook me up with someone . . . anyone. They're taking it as a mission of necessary intervention.

Lucky for me there are more options than hanging out at Kitty's Bar waiting for a biotech geek to buy me a PBR. Contrary to popular belief I am totally working it . . . um . . . well, maybe just 'Net-working it?

I love these wonderful times we live in. I can be proactive in finding a perspective mate on a Friday night without even leaving my couch. And get this . . . it's eHarmony's Free Connection Weekend! Thank God for holidays. Match.com got my information from Chemistry.com, which totally sucks because they both want money from me. Chemistry.com keeps sending me these vague emails with the subject line: "Someone in Sonoma wants to hear from you." But I can't figure out who it is because I refuse to pay my internet pimp. Dude, even the escorts that place ads in our paper have their pimps pay for them. Apparently, Match.com doesn't think I'm putting myself out there enough, according to an email they sent me: "Love is Out There, Your Information Isn't."

Sure. That's what Myspace and Facebook are for. Facebook actually has it's own dating site which has mutated and grown it's own domain. Oh, Zoosk, what would we do without you? They've recently informed me via Gmail that my "date card is missing a photo!" Oh, no. You mean that to hook up with someone you have to show them what you look like? What a fucking concept.

Zoosk was cool for a hot second. You get these little notifications on Facebook alerting you to a new "flirt" on your account. I'm over it. I've only had one decent conversation with someone who works in Emeryville because it was slightly more original than the standard "wink wink" or some cheesy pick-up line.

My new favorite site is the EBX personals. You can actually choose exactly what you're looking for: long-lasting relationship or a sinful one-night stand. Hmmm.

Dilemmas. Dilemmas. Makes me wonder: what would Carrie Bradshaw advice be?